you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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