Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize