I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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