I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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