My cat gives me a boner
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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