Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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