my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
