last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
