nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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