Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my phone needs a breathalizer
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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