hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
