I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
