help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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