just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am one with the molecules
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
