Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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