How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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