The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
