I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
