I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We need to rekindle our bromance
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
