We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
