Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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