dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
