I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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