I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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