You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
