You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
