That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Alive.
So much puke
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
