I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
