It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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