What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
