Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
