I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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