Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
