and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
