He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
