Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
