handjob tips. give me some.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
