This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
