brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
