just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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