You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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