the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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