Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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