he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
