I wish you could order shots online.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
not ubering you a puppy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
