the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Randomize
