I think I died a long time ago.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
