Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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