in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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