I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize