He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
