things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
