When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
even my farts smell like vagina
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
