his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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