i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
