I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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