Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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