Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
