mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
