I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
