This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
