There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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