Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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