If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
