guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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