a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
