that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You're like the curious george of whores
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
