I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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