First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's never too late to be topless.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
