And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize