He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
